Queen of Useless Hobbies

Mushroom foraging has been fabulous with the rain. And who doesn't love a cool spore print?

Early into my retirement I watched a speaker on TED talks give advice on managing retirement. He encouraged new retirees to try new activities. He said it was like "throwing spaghetti on a wall. You never know what might stick." There is truth in that advice and I still find myself throwing pasta on a wall as I delve into areas of interest. Unfortunately, I feel my hobbies are of a useless nature. Let me explain.

Useful hobbies tend to benefit others. For instance, some retirees are talented quilters. They create beautiful quilts for friends and family and often donate their works of art to those in need. Sadly, my fingers seize up thinking about needles and thread. There will be no quilts in my future. Sorry, kids.

Pickleball is a favorite hobby for the retirement crowd. It is a social game which means others benefit from the exercise and interactions provided during the games. I have a BHD in sports, Beyond Horribly Doomed. Despite the arguments from Pickleball enthusiasts that "it is just a game of fun and all skill levels are welcome," don't kid yourself. Whenever a ball, a racket and a net are present, there will be competition and I refuse to inflict my ineptness on someone who wants to win. And they all want to win.

Volunteering is, of course, the ultimate pursuit of altruism in retirement. Somehow, I slipped off the rails in that department. I am not proud of this but it is the truth. Hats off to those who are staying involved in society.

There is a theme to my hobbies. They are primarily solo pursuits and useless to others. I am a birder which means I am that weirdo standing in a ditch with a pair of binoculars, scanning a pasture, hoping for a sighting of a burrowing owl. My claim to fame with this hobby is being asked by a Game Fish and Parks Department officer if "I was okay." That is code speak for, "Ma'am, you might want to consider not parking on the edge of a busy road."

Other hobbies include fermenting vegetables. I usually get "Yuck" responses to that line of conversation. I also forage for mushrooms, not for eating but for the challenge of identifying fungi. Unless you are hunting for morels, this is a pursuit that frequently elicits more yuck responses. I also dabble in geocaching which means I poke around trees and into rock crevices looking for hidden containers. The reward? A tiny roll of soggy paper that I can sign my name on.

I am not skilled at any of my pursuits but they all feed my curiosity. And despite their uselessness, they make me smile. Even if I haven't seen a burrowing owl, yet.