How to Walk on Ice: A Tutorial

If you live in an area where balmy breezes blow and temperatures rarely drop below freezing, this post is not for you. If you live in an area where the thawing and freezing cycle is winter's gift to you, this tutorial may help you stay upright. My morning walks this winter season have been riddled with icy patches. Added to the fun were the three-foot berms of snow hugging each side of the sidewalks, making it impossible to find dry ground. The streets came with their own issues, not the least being the possibility of a fall and becoming a speed bump for oncoming traffic. Not a pretty sight.

Here are a few strategies for navigating icy patches. They are all based on a careful assessment of the composition and square footage of each ice patch, thus determining the correct procedure. And, of course, I do not recommend footwear with slick soles. You are on your own for that kind of decision.

1) Look for the crunchies.--Some icy patches have residual frozen (not slushy) snow outlining the ice. This can often provide a bit of purchase for your feet as you carefully move them accordingly. I also like the sound of crunching snow.

2) Walk like a penguin.--This is a tried-and-true method (birds are no fools). I splay my feet out a bit and start walking with short choppy steps. Take your time with this one and walk with all the confidence of a tuxedo clad bird with a limited wingspan. Watch for seals.

3) Skate like a pro.--Some patches of ice are skating rink worthy, clear and extensive. It is best to take a deep breath and start sliding your feet along until you reach the other side. I usually give myself a score of 9.0 if I make it without a blunder.

4) Run over a bed of nails.--This one takes a little practice. If the distance that needs to be covered is not too extensive, I add a little speed to my steps and gingerly hippety-hop across the ice before my feet realize they could slip on the stuff. It is mind over matter, for sure.

5) Turn around because I am going to cry.--I had to employ this technique the morning I started walking in the midst of freezing fog. For those of who are unfamiliar with this weather situation, it is when ice droplets form on exposed areas. It creates beautiful snow globe trees but it is murderous for navigation. I started out walking with all the confidence of an idiot. I selected a route that had previously been rather ice-free. Hokey Pete, I quickly found myself in a precarious situation. The ice patches, of course, were covered with a film of more ice. The "dry" sidewalks were coated with a slippery glaze and the snow berms were too high to provide an alternate route. For a brief moment I considered crawling but my knees had strong opinions about that tactic. Somehow I retreated from my folly and made it home safely. Lesson learned.

Fortunately, our weather is starting to moderate a bit. In fact, my walk this morning was almost ice-free, a miracle I do not take for granted. My greatest concern now is watching out for bleary-eyed morning commuters backing out of their garages. Drink your coffee, folks.